LinkedIn Learning course: Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

Note: Emotional intelligence is sometimes known as EQ, which stands for emotional quotient. 

Some things explained in this Linkedin course are:

1. what EQ is and why it’s important
2. the four key factors of EQ and becoming more self-aware
3. identifying triggers that may hijack your performance
4. how you can practically apply what you learn to performance in the workplace and personal life 

Some takeaways from the course are:

1. The benefits of emotional intelligence- Senior leaders often say they hire and promote based on emotional intelligence rather than particular skills or IQ. 
2. Understanding EQ
   1. What is emotional intelligence (EQ)? EQ focuses on two areas
      One- understanding and expressing our emotions
      Two- being empathetic when communicating with others. 
      Emotional intelligence is part of our psychological makeup, along with our personalities and IQ. Generally speaking, personality and IQ are fairly fixed. On the other hand, you can enhance and grow your EQ. 
      There are four areas of emotional intelligence
      One- Inward facing areas- self-awareness and self-management
      Two- outward facing areas- social awareness and relationship development. 
   2. Emotions- Think of emotions as feelings you experience. Emotions can reflect pleasure or displeasure, and can be extreme or mild. 
      Much of how we perceive and interact with the world around us can be derived from our emotions. If we’re not consciously managing this process, our emotions are taking the lead. 
      Besides leading to a psychological reaction, emotions can also lead to a physiological response, which causes a physical reaction such as shaking or sweating. You may actually experience both of these types of reactions at the same time. 
      Your level of emotional intelligence will determine how you react to situations, how you face challenges, and how you build relationships with others. How well do you feel that you manage your emotions at work? Do you feel in control of how you react to challenging events? Or is this something you’d like to get better at?
   3. Managing emotional reactions- Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and the next thing you know, it’s turned into a heated exchange and you’re not quite sure where it all went wrong? 
      In order to take control of your emotions and develop your emotional intelligence, you need two things. One- acceptance, and two- the ability to slow your reactions down. 
      Acceptance- We can’t change the past, but we can learn from experiences to change our future. If you want to change the way you react emotionally or you want to build stronger relationships, start by accepting past behavior and using that to define how you want to behave and react in the future. 
      Slowing your reactions down- If you can learn to take a moment to pause and objectively assess the situation, you’re far more likely to achieve something positive from the situation. 
      The trick is to intercept and disrupt our thinking and emotional responses when it’s not serving us.
3. Being Self-Aware
   1. Understanding your personal EQ- We all have situations where someone else behaved in a way that makes us react passionately to the situation. However, it actually isn’t always the other person’s behavior that makes us react, although it certainly feels that way in the heat of the moment. 
      The key here is to understand it’s not events themselves that cause you to act. It’s how you think and feel about these events which will lead you to respond. 
      Recognizing your emotions is the first step in building your emotional intelligence. If you don’t have the ability to recognize your emotions, then ultimately you won’t have control over how you interact with others and how you view the world around you. 
      Take some time to consider three challenging experiences you’ve had within the last six months. What was the event? How did you feel about it? What emotions did you experience? What were you thinking when it occured? How did you respond? Why do you think you reacted the way you did? How did it affect others? Were you considering other people’s points of view? And would you react in the same way again?
   2. Managing your mindset- When we analyze behaviors, we often find the same triggers hijack our thinking and throw us off course again and again. Your triggers are events or things that happen that cause you to feel and think in a way that isn’t helpful. This isn’t going to achieve the best outcome from a situation. It may be that you fly off the handle or you were treat into yourself or you become defiant or stressed. Think about challenges you’ve faced over the last six months. Are there emotions you’ve experienced? Take it a step further and consider whether there are emotions that hijack the way you respond to situations.
   3. Finding your flow- One of many positive aspects associated with developing emotional intelligence is finding what we call your flow. The best way to describe flow is being in the zone. It’s the practice of taking part in an activity that requires focus and distractions just fade into the background.
      That’s why it’s important to get really clear on what flow is for you as an individual and weave that into your working life, helping you to face challenges with confidence. When you’re feeling confident after working in a state of flow, that will help you to view challenges positively. Whereas if you’re feeling stressed, for example, and you have a challenge to deal with on top of this, you’re not so likely to react in a way that will help you tackle the situation effectively and efficiently. What activities creates a sense of flow for you? And could you add more of this to your working life?
4. Managing Yourself
   1. The ABCDE model- Reacting quickly in the heat of the moment can be regretful Take control of your thoughts, your feelings and emotions using the A, B, C, D, E model taken from cognitive behavioral coaching. Use it to take control and deal with potentially difficult situations confidently and effectively. 
      A- activating event, B- belief about the event, C- the emotional consequences, D- dispute/ challenge beliefs, E- exchange old beliefs for new ones. 
   2. Dealing with stressful situations- Flying off the handle and behaving in a way that probably wasn’t the most effective way to deal with things. 
      Some steps to slow down your reaction time and choose how to respond are:
      Step one- take a step back when you feel like you might be reacting emotionally and you could be more objective. 
      Step two- when you start to feel emotions such as anger or fear, try to give yourself some breathing space, unless it’s imperative that you react immediately, which it may be in a crisis. Take 60 seconds to remove yourself from the situation and take deep breaths. 
      Step three- give yourself time to recover. You should have had some space even if it’s just for 60 seconds. Now let your body recover. Don’t make any decisions and don’t keep mulling over the scenario in your head. Just focus on feeling more level emotionally and physiologically. 
      Step four- challenge your thoughts. Is there a way you can think about the situation that can create a better outcome for you? Is the best option in the long run, will it help you achieve the results you want to see? 
      Step five- now choose how you will respond.
   3. Shift perspective to shape behavior- Shifting your perspective will help you to understand how best to deal with that scenario. Some ways you can use to help broaden your perspective are: 
      One- Seek different points of view. Considering different points of view and ways of solving issues, will help you to find new and innovative ways to tackle challenges. You don’t necessarily have to change your opinion but you will discover alternative viewpoints that will help you when you’re communicating your thoughts with others. 
      Two- Ask more questions. Listen to what others have to say. Besides broadening your perspective, you will also build a relationship with the other person, which is an additional positive outcome. 
      Three- Spend time with new people. It’s really easy to get in the routine of speaking to the same people or the same kind of people. But building relationships with those outside of your normal peer group will give you a completely different insight into other perspectives. 
      Four- Read more in general and more broadly. 
5. Social Awareness
   1. Developing social awareness- Social awareness is about what’s going on around you and understanding other people’s feelings. 
      Develop your social awareness by using your senses to notice what’s going on around you. 
      What do you see, feel and hear? Pay attention to the details of your surroundings, whether that be noticing facial expressions and body language, or hearing specific tones in people’s voices. This will help you get an idea of what people are thinking and the dynamics between people. 
   2. Connecting with empathy- Empathy is being able to imagine what someone else may be thinking or feeling. Ultimately, most people want to be understood, whether that be in their work or personal life.Two steps to being more empathetic are:
      One- ask questions to find out more about what they’re experiencing and how they feel about the situation and the impact it’s having on them. If you don’t have the opportunity to ask questions, you can also take a step back and imagine the possibilities of how someone may think and feel. 
      Two- offer support and understanding without assuming you have the answers or knowledge the other person requires. 
   3. Communication and social awareness- Communication is a two way street of providing information for others and gathering information from others. 
      Actually, most of what we communicate is down to our body language and how we say something, not what we say. 
      The key to effective communication is listening. If you want to build effective and strong relationships, you also need to really listen to messages from the other person. And that includes words, tone, and body language. 
      If you’re unsure of how well you communicate, the best ways to gain an insight is to gather feedback from others. Ask for opinions from colleagues or friends on how well you listen and how effectively you get your message across.
6. Managing Relationships
   1. Play to your personal strengths- You have your own style and way of communicating that’s individual to you. Generally speaking, the more you can utilize your unique style, the more people will feel like they’re making a genuine connection with you, which will help you to build trust, and that’s a critical element in managing relationships. 
      When it comes to managing relationships, what would you say your strong points are? Common relationship management skills include communicating your message clearly and effectively, the ability to really listen to what others are saying, making people feel comfortable and understood, picking up on group dynamics quickly, and having a talent for making genuine and authentic connections. 
      Take some time to reflect on what your strengths are when it comes to managing relationships. The beauty of playing to your strengths is that you already have these natural talents, so using them won’t feel like hard work. If anything, it will feel like a positive experience. If you need some pointers to help you reflect, consider answering these questions. 
      How would you say others perceive you? 
      What would you say are your key skills when it comes to interacting with others? 
      Do you have the ability to read a room and really understand what someone else is feeling? 
      What could you develop in this area? 
      Once you have an idea of what your relationship strengths are, practice putting these into action across different social situations. Test what works well and not so well for you. 
   2. Collect feedback to build connection- The only way to truly understand how others perceive you is to get their insights. 
      One simple technique you can use to help you understand how others see you is the review, refine, repeat process. This approach helps you create a continuous development cycle, where you’re constantly improving your relationship with others. 
      Step one- Review how you manage relationships currently. Gather feedback from a few colleagues or friend. Ask them how you maintain and build relationships. You might want to consider questions such as:
      How do you think I generally come across to others? 
      How would you describe me when I’m in a team environment? 
      Is there anything specific I’m good at when it comes to interacting with other people? 
      Are there any areas I could tweak to get better at building and maintaining relationships? 
      It’s good to know that the feedback you receive isn’t a fact but an opinion, and the more opinions you can gather, the more of a rounded perspective you’ll get of how you come across. Try not to get too hung up on one person’s opinion instead, try to get a range of opinions to give you a broad perspective of how you come across to others. 
      Step two- Refine some of your approach. One small step at a time, over time as you make small adjustments these small steps will compound to create big results. What may seem like a small tweak or a minor adjustments to your approach now, over time may have a huge impact on building your emotional intelligence. 
      Step three- Repeat the process. 
   3. Communicate intention and impact- How you want to come across to others may not be how you actually come across. This is why it’s essential you don’t focus on the exact message, but more on the intent- what you want the other person to take away from your interaction.
      The key is to think about how the other person perceives you. Effective communication is about the message received by the other person, not the message you want to give. Think to yourself, what do I want the other person to take away from this interaction? And when you’re clear on that, match your tone, and language, and body language to help communicate that message. 

LinkedIn Learning course: Developing Your Emotional Intelligence